Written by Inchcock
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Monday, 30 May 2011

image for Interview with Michael Gove MP - Minister of State for Education Government Ministerial Interview with Mr Gove

Michael Gove was born in Edinburgh in 1967 and brought up in Aberdeen. Educated in England and Scotland, in the independent sectors, where he had to suffer his 'Fags' waking him up with breakfast, before they cleaned his shoes each morning.

Michael is married to Sarah Vine, who is a leader writer at The Times, and they have one daughter, Beatrice, and a son, William, who was born at Frimley Park Private Hospital in November 2004.

Michael's parents live in Aberdeen. His father ran (owned) a fish-processing business and his mother was a lab assistant at Aberdeen University before working at Aberdeen School for the Deaf. Sarah's mother was brought up in Farnborough and Sarah's father was brought up in Farnham.

He is passionately committed to raising standards in state schools and helping children from less privileged backgrounds to maximise their potential.

Our Spoof reporter Braindead Inchcock, began the interview with the question:

Q) What steps are you taking to improve standards in under-performing schools and colleges?.
A) "I want our education system to be the best in the world, which is why we have invested more than £100 million in an endowment fund for the poorest students. We have invested £2.5 billion in the pupil premium, we have expanded the academy programme and we have invested more in expanding elite routes into teaching such as Teach First. We have also raised the floor standards by which we judge schools' performance. Some 216 secondary schools are below the floor standards with fewer than 35% of their students achieving five good GCSEs, including English and maths, and 1,394 primary schools are below the floor standards with fewer than 60% of pupils at the end of key stage 2. Therefore we have increased VAT and college fees, and closed down 32 schools this year alone!"

Q) Do you think you can understand the needs of the poorer students, considering your privileged silver spoon upbringing?
A) The Minister hesitated a few seconds, then replied; "Of course I can, I used to speak to these people once you know - the gardeners children, the Servants relatives, the children of the Butler, Cook, Kitchen maids, Valets, Chambermaids, the Cleaners, the Nannies, and the Grooms at home. And on more than one occasion I've spoken with my personal assistants as we visited a public school."

Q) What do you think of the MP's Expense Fiddling disclosures?
A) "Well I only claim for the staff, 2x Constituency workers, 1x PA/Office Manager, and 1x Caseworker, my expenses were only £555958 last year, chicken-feed in the big scheme of things, and the rumour of my claiming £56,000 for Nursing Home fees, was never proved!"
A little worrying this, as the answer given was not to the question put?

Q) Is it true in the past that you have spent a few nights at hotels sleeping in the same room as Willy Vague?
A) "Yes, I always offered him my support"

Q) "What would you like to achieve more than anything in politics today?
A) "The eradication of large classes in public schools, I'd like to see the average class number come down to 56 this year."

Q) I understand you refused to speak with the Nottingham Education councillor last month, why was that?
A) No rebuff intended, I just could not get an interpreter in the given time!"

Thank you Mr Gove.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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