Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Friday, 27 May 2011

Sarah Palin has begun the baby steps of her possible, maybe, just maybe, sorta-kinda run for the U.S. Presidency, and it started on a bus tour for herself and members of the media that can't seem to get enough of the four-eyed Alaskan ex-governor.

She began by reading notes off her right hand (no left hand/left wing crib notes for her!), stating,

"Low taxes...good! High taxes...bud! I'm mean bad! Sorry, my dopey husband, Tood, wrote this speech for me!"

As we travelled deeper into uncharted, deepest, darkest downtown, she stood up and called out to those present,

"No Left Wing media here, I hope?! I ain't got no time fer y'all unedumacated Left Wing Commie, Socialist, Klingon media types, you betcha! When I become the Mrs.President of these United States, I pledge to eliminate Left Wing taxes, and Left Wing media, and Left Wing pundits! Hell, I'll eliminate left wing chicken wings when I becomes the President! And, look, do we REALLY need Left Wings on airplanes? I say to hell with 'em, and chop 'em off! A Sarah Palin America is an America without Left Wings! Period!"

As some of the sucking-up media asked her about her shoe size, who made the dress she was wearing, and what kind of tree she would be if she were a tree, I asked her a tougher question, namely her stance on foreign policy.

"Well, ya know, Stefano, the other countries are full of foreigners and such that aren't Americans, and while I do enjoy fine dining with a nice California wine and a can of I-Talian SpaghettiO's, ya gotta be careful around all them there Left Wing countries that might do harm to the United States of American!"

When I pressed her to name the countries that she didn't trust, and replied,

"Well, obviously all of the countries on the left side of America when you turn your head to the left! Duuuh!"

At that point she rang the bell on the Brimley-21 bus and started to leave amongst a barrage of questions and confused reporters, since we weren't anywhere near a convention center or event.

"What're y'all talking about? This ain't no Presidential Tour Bus! I'm just out to grab me some guns and tacos!" she replied, pointing at the store front of Billy-Bob's Guns And Tacos.

The media was played for suckers again, following around the enigmatic crazy lady for any miniscule sound bytes possible, and we came up short.

Just like the bus driver who chased her into the gun shop demanding his buck-fifty fare, as she shouted over her shoulder,

"Mama grizzly! Mama grizzly! No Left Wing bus drivers! You bethcha!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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