Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Saturday, 28 May 2011

image for EU gravy train rides on A hard-working EU train feeder (he gets the leftovers)

Today, I had the privilege of riding with the privileged on the EU's own parliamentary train. The train runs from Strasbourg to Brussels twice a week, and despite these times of austerity, it is full of Euro-bureaucrats stuffing their faces to relieve the stress of the impossible job of running Europe.

Due to environmental regulations, the train is not permitted to run on diesel. Instead it runs on the excess food created by the EU's ridiculous farm subsidies. The engine is currently being topped up with fat and juices collected from a vast banquet held last week to use up the EU's beef mountain. That's right, this is literally the EU gravy train!

Up in the front the train driver allows me to dip a Brussels sprout into the gravy tank and taste it. A champagne glass is thrust into my hand. This train doesn't have a buffet car - every car receives non-stop food and drinks service.

In the next car a group of men in suits are hard at work, discussing whether Battenberg cake should be given special protected status, or if it should be banned for containing too much sugar. One fat moustachio'ed Frenchman says to me, "Enjoy the luxury. We need to decide for the peasants if we will let them eat cake."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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