Written by Rob Barratt
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Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for Who put the might in Marmite? Who put the

Who put the "might" in Marmite? By Rob Barratt

The sandwich beast
A feast of yeast
Historic remnant of the brewer
A staple of the English po-or
Extracted now from Danish shelves
Spread the word, assert yourselves
But don't break down as a knackered car might
And don't let the Danes get rid of Marmite

Some say that you must love or hate it
It's not like cheese, you just can't grate it
Your Skagerraks and Kattegats
Are now frequented by ex-pats
All searching now with one accord
Amongst rollmops and smorgasbord
For a jar of the yellow and the brown
Removed from every Danish town
What else to put upon your crisp bread?
A pickled herring still with its head?
Or maybe something else that's Norse
(We're not in France, so not a horse)

Who in the world does not like Marmite?
Well maybe Barak Obama's Ma might
The Brits they just cannot keep calm, right?
It wouldn't do the Danes any harm, right?
If they twisted the food minister's arm, right?
And reinstated bloody marmite

The English will suffer Marmite withdrawal
The Welsh will ship it in fro Porthcaw-al
Cold turkey for addicted Britons
Who'll smuggle Marmite in their mittens
Through airport customs in Copen-hargen
It's harder to find than Osama Bin Laden
Scots will ship it in from Blighty
Eat lesser food stuffs that are shitey

Oh, why have you done this you weirdo Danes?
Don't you care as everyone complains
"We've got rid of Marmite", you vainly boast
Next thing you'll be bannishing bloody toast

Alas poor Marmite, I knew it well
It wasn't that it didn't sell
It has too many added vitamins
You'd think that it was laced with ketamine
They think it's over-fortified
And things like that Danes can't abide

So Denmark please repeal this law
And let us have "No Marmite" ... no more

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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