Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for Curdsville Wisconsin Part 1: Making them Vegans Happy Ole Bessy, doin' her best to keep up with demand.

Vegans and Cheese

This week at the Curdsville Dairy Farm, we tried to pacify all those Vegan protesters we caught stomping around our Alfalfa fields last week, by agreeing to mix tofu curds in with some of our best Colby cheese. We figured we might open up a whole new cheese market maybe, for folks who want to claim they're Vegans, but who still wear leather shoes, and generously butter their bulgar wheat muffins.

Now, the experiment looked like it was going well at first, sort of like a good mix of yellow and white cheeses, looking almost like Colby-Jack. The Missus and I were optimistic, until we tasted it. I had to hold my dear Edna's hair back while she hurled.

Just to make sure our boots we weren't completely covered in fertilizer, we went to the natural foods store and sampled a few other products from the vegan aisle. One looked promising called "Tofu hot dogs". We bought some natural stone ground mustard, a package of gluten-free buns and took them back behind our barn to grill up a few.

They cooked up fast and didn't smell exactly like the pork and beef hot dogs our neighbor down the way makes in his kitchen, but I lathered one up in mustard and gave it a go. Edna had to hold my hair back in kind.

I think based on our other food testing we tried from the store, our Colby-Tofu cheese wasn't all that bad, in fact better than all the other options we tried. It still tastes like dairy farm pond water, but them cabbage eaters will love it. And, since I can charge a premium for anything them folks label as "healthy", it sounds like our Co-Fu cheese will run about nine dollars a pound. Heh, heh.

Well, that's all from Curdsville this week. The missus and I offer a Hey and a Howdy to y'all.


Yours quite modestly,
Efrem P. Farnswaggle

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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