The Icelandic Prime Minister, Björky Björkysdóttir, has apologised to the rest of Europe after yet another Icelandic volcano exploded, leaving a huge cloud of ash heading towards the continent. She read the following hushed message in a video address to the EU.
"We are very sorry. Normally Iceland is a peaceful land full of wonder and ice, but I am afraid that we might have frightened the little pixies who hide under the rocks. Ssshh, be very quiet. They might hear us! Wherever you are in Iceland, you are never far from a small pixie."
"We think that the pixies can control the volcanoes, in a similar way that they control the production of Björk albums. When Björk wants to release an album, she goes and whispers to the pixies and they help her. But sometimes she squeaks and screams at them and they get scared. And then it is many years before there is another album out. The pixies can be very mischievous, but they are timid too."
"So I think we should leave out a delicious gift of rotting shark meat and puffins heads for the pixies to eat, then maybe they can switch off the volcano and live and hide among us happily again."