Following on from the Royal visit to Ireland, Buckingham Palace has announced a number of protocols in relation to future visits by H M The Queen.
The chief lady in waiting, Lady Huriup-Imlate, said, that from now on, people who meet Her Majesty:
1. Must not touch Her Majesty, even for "some small change for a cup of tea" and should certainly never try to sell her a copy of 'The Big Issue'
2. When bowing, the forehead must never touch the bridge of the Monarch's nose
3. If waving, one must ensure the wave does not consist of two fingers in a reversed Churchillian victory sign
4. Should never elbow the Monarch in the side if wishing to attract her attention
5. Must not make jokes about the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman (or Welshman)
6. Must not shove flyers for massage parlours or relief services into her hand, pocket or Royal handbag.