Written by Asheville Jack
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Tags: asshole, Brain

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

image for New Study Shows Left Brained People Just aren't Right

A new study published this month in the New England Journal of New England Medical Journals suggest that people who are predominately left brained are almost always first class ass holes. And to make matters worst the study shows they don't know they're ass holes either.

So how can you, a person of impeccable standards, determine if you're left brained and consequently an ass hole? The first question you must ask yourself is if you think you're an ass hole. If the answer to that question is no then, sadly, you are more likely to be a left brained and as a result a major ass hole, more so than people who believe they truly are ass holes and, who as it turns out, are far less likely to be afflicted with the left brain ass hole syndrome, at least according to the study.

Confused? Confusion is one of the results of left brained people who are wired to view the world in a linear manner, which means they tend to view the world like a giant jigsaw puzzle whose parts must be logically assembled first in order to make sense of their environment or to solve a problem.

Unfortunately this means left brained people tend to blame others when all the pieces of the puzzle don't readily assemble to their liking, or in what they falsely believe to be a timely manner. That's why almost all scientist, airline pilots and republican ex-Presidents are ass holes, again at least according to the study in the New England Journal of New England Medical Journals.

Right brained people on the other hand tend to be easy going and creative. They love to sing out loud and recite poetry or to quote Shakespeare. They see the big picture, can easily multitask and are always solid team players.

If none of the right brained attributes seem to apply to you, or if the results of the study itself don't make you want to break out in song, then you're almost certainly an ass hole.

Either way the study points out that if you're a left brained ass hole or an easy going right brained good guy, in the end it all come down to heredity and DNA.

So bear in mind that if the results of this prestigious study seems to rightly suggest that you're probably a genuine ass hole after all, don't blame yourself - blame your ass hole parents.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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