Written by Steddyeddy
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

image for Bank of England Governor's letter to the Chancellor A small portion of the financial returns from "Britain's Got Talent" premium rate phone vote calls

Following the announcement that CPI inflation in the UK in the 12 months to April was 4.5% per cent, the Bank has published a letter from the Governor to the Chancellor, as required by policy. The letter is reproduced below:

Bank of England
London EC2R 8AH

The Rt Hon George Osborne
Chancellor of the Exchequer
HM Treasury
1 Horse Guards Road
London SW1A 2HQ

Dear Chancellor

As you will no doubt be aware, you being on the cutting edge of things economic in the UK, the Office for National Statistics has just published data showing that inflation was 4.5% in April, and the economy is in fact totally buggered.

Why has inflation moved away from target?

This is mainly because the government is outsource mad, has more overpaid consultants than you can shake a stick at, allows council chief executives to take home substantial 6-figure salaries, and keeps bailing out the bloody millionaire bankers who in turn keep rewarding themselves with huge bonuses that we the long-suffering public have to pay for!

Over what period do you expect it to come back under control?

Sorry Chancellor, frankly haven't got a clue on that one.

What policy action are we taking?

We are now sourcing our tea bags from a wholesale provider rather than the local branch of Tesco on Threadneedle Street, and those who take sugar in their drinks have been politely requested, where applicable, to reduce from two spoons to one. Also, members of staff in government departments throughout the UK have been asked - again politely - to restrict their file sharing, social networking and browsing for pornography to two hours a day. Also, flexi-sick, where civil servants take a daily two hour break for work from being on extended sick leave, is being increased to a three hour working session.

I hope you find this helpful and will cure the UK's economic ills.

Best regards to Mrs Osborne and all the mini Osbornes.
Merv

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

72 readers are online right now!

Go to top