President Barack Obama announced today with a very bad 'We Killed Bin Laden' hangover that he had bad news to impart to the press.
"Geez', started the president in front of the presses' microphones. "This is a really bad one. Honestly, I swear I keep seeing Donald Trump standing in front of me 50 times strong. I mean, damn, I've had 20 McDonald's hamburgers and 10 Bloody Mary's and everyone still looks like Sarah Palin".
"Okay, so why am I here?"….
"Oh yeah now I remember.., if the damn teletype screen would just shut the frick up".
"Man those things annoy the crap out of me".
"Ok, everybody, we have just been informed that Osama, or Usama or U go pork a llama Bin Laden managed to clone himself before we killed him".
"Bin Laden managed to do this with the help of the great Transylvanian Doctor Count Cloney who cloned him 12 times".
"Apparently, Usam… Osam…. Geez… I can't even read the fricken teletype screen".
"That little crap that we just killed! You know who I mean".
"Well the bearded bugger managed to clone himself twelve times before we squished him".
"Crap", continued the president holding a bag full of ice to his head. "Now we have to go through this sh^t twelve more times".
From talks with one of Bin Laden's son's who has asked to remain anonymous, the press was told:
"Pappy, always wanted to change the way religion was. He believed that he was the son of god and that that faggy little Jesus guy who couldn't have sex with any woman, and that other guy, Muhammad, who seemed to have sex with every woman, were not the real deal".
"Pappy felt that a way to a woman's heart was not to love her, but to blow her head off".
Honestly, don't all women want a man to blow their minds?
"Pappy really wanted to have a re-make of the Leonardo Da Vinci's Last Supper. He was going to be the messiah, his twelve clones were going to be the twelve disciples and that sleeping dog was really a bomb".
Which when you think about it, Bin Laden turned out to be a bomb all along anyway.