On Monday, 2 June 2008 under 'A Prize for Being Touched', Spoof, I wrote on Osama, rhyme it with Obama. Now that, willy-nilly, Osama is technically dead, and the sponsors might accept the advice that 'enough is enough' the world surely requires another big 'Breaking the News', of course, after the big Kiss on the Balcony' and Osama.
However, many questions still linger about and authorities will try to patch up the gaps via trial and errors. No big hassle. Here you are with the 3-year old story:
'I, the same girl who slept with a rock, Metaphysical Affair, 18 November 2007, decided to take a clandestine trip from Tajikistan to Afghanistan. We both, partner and me, firmly believed the dangerous trip to meet Osama was worth it. Therefore, we secretly melted into Afghanistan from its porous northern border. As soon as we got to Kabul, I bought a locally made burqa, azure blue with a net-like veil for the eyes.
'My hypothesis, firstly, assumed that Osama had quit living in the mountains, opting for urban life, most likely in Kabul, secondly, that he had given up wearing men's clothes, and thirdly, that he or rather, she must be living alone in a house as a widow.
'I personally believed that Osama would not abandon his desire for women which is suicidal for a man. Based on my assumptions, I concluded that he would run his own errands as a woman and must be regularly visiting bazaars and veggie markets of Kabul. So I routinely visited market places of Kabul where housewives would shop.
One day when I was examining the females around the crowded veggie stalls, I felt a person, standing right behind me, was trying to draw near and nearer. When the woman in azure blue burqa, just like me, closed up the gap, I felt a protruding object touching the cleft of my buttocks.
I did not jump, scream or turn around. I simply let him carry on with what he hand in mind. Next I, pretend to have dropped a coin, and bent over to retrieve it. This posture brought his organ in touch with the exact spot. When he continued pressing harder and harder, I abruptly turned around.
Through the veil, I identified his eyes! Now, he extended his arm and handed me an object saying if I was looking for that? For a few seconds, I was unwillingly forced to focus on the object. When I looked up to see what else he had to say, he had vanished! Now, we are trying hard to decipher the images, contours, lines and even characters we find in this unique natural precious stone. Wander if it contains a message for the world!'