Today Google spokesman, Jerry Nosey, announced that Google knew where Osama Bin Laden was all along.
"We've known where Osama Bin Laden was hiding for years", said Jerry Nosey. "We know where everybody is, all the time. Not only do we know where everybody is, we, also, know what everybody is doing".
"We knew that on November 3, 2006, Bin Laden was in Tehran playing putt-putt golf with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. If Ahmadinejad would have asked us, we would have told him that Bin Laden didn't get a hole in one at hole no. 5. As a matter of fact, Bin Laden kicked the ball in the cup when he went around that big windmill. Heck, his ball wasn't even close to the hole".
"At the Halloween festival in Georgetown, Washington, DC in 2007, everyone wanted to know just who that Bill Clinton was who was wearing a dress shirt and jacket. He had no pants on, just a pair of boxer shorts with hearts on them. You remember that guy? He had a long beard and a turban and a big button that said: 'I Love Bill'".
"We know who he was".
"Muammar Gaddafi? Do you remember on December 11, 2009, when Bin Laden and Kim Jong 11 were staying at your house? Do you remember that embarrassing moment when you found out that your toilet seat had been greased? Do you remember blaming Jong and 'getting back at him' by giving him a wedgie?"
"It wasn't Jong, Muammar. No, no, no. It definitely wasn't Jong".
"Then there is Hasheed Mohammed who lives at 125 Bulla-Bulla Street in Islamabad, Pakistan, who just couldn't figure out how his wife suddenly became pregnant. Remember, Hasheed, how you were so shocked that when the baby was delivered he had a full beard and was holding a hand grenade and looked nothing like you? It wasn't the Immaculate Conception, like your wife told you".
"Guess who was hiding out in your neighbor's house".
"Guess who was visiting your wife during those long shifts while you were driving a taxi cab".
"We know who that was".
"All anyone had to do was ask us where Osama Bin Laden was".