Bethesda, Maryland - The owner of one of the most famous booties in the world will be filming a Public Service Announcement on behalf of the Colo-Rectal Surgeons of America.
Because her PSA may not be available in your area, in the interests of public health, we are printing it as follows:
"Hey. Beyonce here. Ya'll know my booty is the most bubblelicious in the world and I wanna keep it that way. Healthy. Happy. A-freakin-MAYzing. And even if yours is flat as a pancake (that would mainly be you white girls out there), ya'll still need to keep it healthy, even though it's not as important as keeping mine healthy, cuz mine is worth a lot more money than yours and always will be…can I get an Amen on that! Woo hoo!
"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Booty health. What ya'll need to do is shake that thang. Just kidding. What you really need to do is keep strange stuff outta "up there". Like cucumbers and bottles. I only let Jay-Z in my what what, just for his birthday and Fourth of July. And eat a lot of fiber.
"Remember: your booty is the most important thing you have in this life, don't let it shrivel up and die before you get all you can out of it. Kisses and hugs!"
The Colo-Rectal Surgeons say that having the most famous rear in the world as their new spokesasswoman will bring in a lot more patients for extremely expensive screening procedures which will certainly help out a lot with their own "bottom line" at the bank.