Written by anthonyrosania
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Tags: School

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

image for The Obvious, Binary Opposition to Attendance is Truancy OR How Doc Saved My Life. (Part 1)

As I recall, I was grounded for most of Reagan's first Presidential term. I was a "F--k Up", so my mother seared into my psyche as if branding a cow. In light of this fact, attendance in school would have cut great swaths in the time I had to socialize.

Recognizing that there were only two available choices, and that the obvious binary opposition to attendance at school is truancy, I decided the latter choice was something I was interested in, and set about carrying out some research.

I joined a class-cutting gang, which only means that I have applied the term "Gang" to the losers with whom I would escape along the train tracks paralleling my high school.

Our jaunts were far from mere hooliganism. We would take entire afternoons off just to read textbooks in a local library. I know this sounds incredibly stupid, considering the fact that we were cutting class to read. Fucking. Textbooks. But it was learning on our own terms.

More often, hours were spent comparing and contrasting recent records purchased (and/or burgled) from Woolworth's. Drugs were rarely on the menu: We just weren't those kids. Don't get me wrong, if we came upon fellow delinquents who were lips-deep in a waterpipe, we would be joining them in senseless giggling within minutes.

My colleagues and I also found that mischievous destruction was both exciting and rewarding. (These findings were in addition to some personal research I'd done at home.) In one particular scientific study, we were interested to find out whether if one hit a parking meter with a small sledgehammer, it would burst open and shower money all over the pavement.

I found the following: No they don't, and when you hit a meter with a sledgehammer at 7.00 in the morning it makes the loudest sound ever created. People in Singapore turned in response.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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