Written by Ellie James
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Friday, 22 April 2011

image for Fort Worth Man Gets to Work After Being Protested Stephen Kingsley actually getting work done

Fort Worth - Stephen Kingsley, a 32 year old accountant, decided to work today for the first time. Mr. Kingsley was sitting at his desk on the 4th floor of his building when he heard shouts coming from his window.

He wheeled himself over to the window and looked down and saw some people standing around with signs and yelling, "No more slacking!" Mr. Kingsley said he didn't hesitate. He sprung into action. He said, "If a bunch of hippie looking vegan types were chanting outside your window because you're a slacker, then you should listen."

Mr. Kingsley's boss at the Fort Worth energy company said, "He's always been such a moron, sitting around texting his girlfriend and checking his facebook. He always looks like he's stoned, and we have to put up with him because his dad's the CEO. But this morning? I don't know what happened! He just started working and doing all of this amazing accounting shit that you really wouldn't understand if you're not an accountant."

Stephen Kingsley, for the first time, returned phone calls and work related emails. He got to know his secretary and found out that her name is Janie and not Betty and that she is a grandmother of three. He found accounting errors that were made five years ago and corrected them. He then discovered a new formula of double booking and wrote a paper that will be published. Kingsley is now nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for amazing, kick ass accounting.

Mr Kingsley stated that he has always been a slacker. While school was always easy for him, he just never tried. He used to love to draw comics, but at some point he decided it was too much work involved in character development and funny jokes and commentary.

His office assistant Janie Johnston, 57 of Lake Worth, said the following, "I'm glad he's appreciative of what we do around here. I'm happy he knows my name. I'm ecstatic he just bough us a family four pack to see the Texas Rangers. My grandkids will love it. However, I'm wondering what he will do once he realizes those kids weren't protesting him. Their signs weren't meant for them. They were protesting the Hart Energy Conference down the street. If his contacts hadn't fallen out, he would have seen that the signs they held read No More Fracking."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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