Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 21 April 2011

image for Pia Toscano Returns To Sing On American Idol - Mark Ballas aka &quotPia's Boyfriend" Sits In The Audience And Cheers Her On People Magazine has just named Jennifer Lopez as "The World's Most Beautiful Woman."

HOLLYWOOD - Pia Toscano, was back by popular demand. The producer of American Idol stated that he received over 20 million text messages, emails, phone calls, and singing telegrams (NPI) asking him to invite her back to sing on the AI stage.

And the shows producer Simon Shindlebocker showed that he listens to his viewers and not only brought her back but also had four previous eliminated contestants back as well to sing back up for Miss Toscano.

And of course Paul "Porter Waggoner" McDonald also returned and showed that he can still do a pretty darn good imitation of Rod "Daddy" Stewart.

Pia was asked by host Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest what she has been up to. A red-faced Toscano simply smiled and did the universal my lips are sealed sign.

The camera quickly cut to Mark Ballas sitting in the very front row and he too had turned redder than a Tacoma tomato. Even Mark's dad, the amazing dancing Corky Ballas was a little red in the face.

Peaches asked Pia if she was taking any dance lessons. She giggled and said that she was. She then threw Seacrest a curve and told him that she was getting dance lessons from Dancing With The Stars professional Dmitry Chaplin, now that he and his partner the stunningly beautiful and very, very long-legged Petra Nemcova had been eliminated.

Judge Steven Tyler asked if she missed the other contestants. Pia shook her head and said not really, but was quick to add that she does miss appearing in those extremely silly Ford commercials.

The evening was billed as American Idol Costume Day and the remaining seven performed their songs wearing costumes.

Country music singer Scotty McCreery was first and he appeared wearing a butterscotch leather jacket that not even the gayest drug store cowboy in San Francisco would wear.

Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez told Scotty that his song was okay, but that he needed to do two things. One toss the Brokeback Mountain jacket in the nearest trash can and two stop holding the darn microphone as if it is a picolo.

James Durbin appeared dressed as a World War II Nazi Storm Trooper. He did blow the audience away as he usually does.

Afterwards judge Steven "Lips" Tyler said that he had two words for him "Actung Panzer!"

Haley Reinhart for some strange reason chose to dress up like one of Ma and Pa Kettles daughters. She wore a red polka dotted dress that was tremendously popular at Sunday after church picnics back in 1950s Little Rock.

Jacob "Ebenezer Baptist" Lusk sang a Luther Vandross song and he was dressed in his Sunday best. Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson remarked that the only thing missing from his singing act was the collection plate.

And Casey "Lucky Lucky Lucky" Abrams not only got to kiss J.Lo but the audience gave him quite an ovation since for the first time he did not perform using his obligatory stand up bass.

This time Casey started with a regular electric guitar which he really did not play much and then half way through the song he switched over to the drums and ended up playing the tuba, which he dropped on his left foot and ended up uttering about nine curse words that the censor edited out.

Stefano Langone, who has spent so much time in the Bottom Three, that there are reports that the next "Results Show" will open with Stefano already sitting in one of the Bottom Three chairs on the left side of the stage.

The 22-year-old from Kent, Washington appeared dressed as season seven, second place finisher David "Archie" Archuleta. Stefano, who looks like he should be from Brooklyn instead of Washington state wore some bright red fireman suspenders.

After he finished singing Ryan Seacrest said that while he was performing he closed his eyes and he swears he sounded exactly like little David Archuleta.

And the evenings final performer was Lauren "Baby Peaches" Alaina, who is upset because since going out to Hollywood she said she has gained 17 pounds which she blames on the four "B's" burgers, burritos, bagels, and Butterball turkeys.

Alaina, who looks like a 'Full-Figured' version of Carrie Underwood appeared on stage wearing about two cans of 'spray on' tanning lotion.

Tyler turned to Lopez and whispered that Lauren looked like a big old yummy Georgia pumpkin.

Lauren was dressed in something that Dolly Parton wore about 30 years ago. Peaches Seacrest later commented that it was all he could do to keep from laughing because she looked just like a grown up Country Barbie Doll in an outfit that was about two sizes too small.

And so American Idol continues with seven contestants to see which one will eventually end up being number two since the 'winner' has already been eliminated.

An unnamed, highly reliable, inside source noted that AI executives are putting all of their creative heads together to try and figure out how the hell they can fix this embarrassing situation and prevent it from ever occurring again.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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