Written by lotta cash
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Tuesday, 19 April 2011

image for Who Do You Think You Are? Or as I call it, Who The F…k Do You Think You Are? I Am Who I am..Who do I think I am?

I am a very successful person in my own right, to the extent that I gave birth to myself back in 1974, in the back of Fiat, I wasn't driving at the time.

My Grand father was born in a one bed roomed tenement, his mother had 54 children by the time she was twenty-seven. Fifty eight of her children went on to be millionaires. The rest joined the church. Times ware hard they were starving most of the time. But they always found money on a Friday night for a bottle of vintage wine or a good bottle of port. His father disappeared soon after the fourth child was born. They found out years later that he had joined the gold rush to Liverpool. I suppose his sense of direction was off or he didn't have the fare to get home again. It seems he had being taken in by a very kind family in Liverpool and they adopted him as their farther.

My Grandmother was a direct descendant of Elizabeth the 5th. The family disowned them, with the result that we don't have any contact with that side of the family and we have given up any attempt to claim the throne. My children may choose to revisit this at some time in future. It's something that is never far from our thoughts especially with the results of another royal union pending.

The other side of my family is rather duller. There is a long line of madness, and personality disorders. This manifests it's self through a long line of insurance Clarks, Bankers, Nurses and a Lumber Jack who has a phobia of sharp implements and has therefore being in receipt of invalidity benefit since 1982.

If you roll back a couple of hundred years into our family tree that will bring you back to the Vikings arrival in Dublin. This in its self is a totally useless exercise as the dates don't match up. However, it's a good conversation stopper at parties.

I found all this out about my family after sending payment to a woman in Whitewash, West Virginia. She has since tutored me to be a master genealogist through her academy. If you would like me to research your family tree please send payment and the correct spelling of your name and I will get to work.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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