Written by Janet Hedges

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Sunday, 3 December 2006


Don't "wine" about the cold weather! There's no reason to moan as the brand new Heather Hills festival has promised to warm up your cockles.

Former one legged prostitute Hills is offering up to 25 different sexual services at great prices. In fact, some customers are saying it really goes against the grain of the usual prices for street strumpets!

As well as the usual services offered by sex-oulets, punters can also try homegrown varieties of intercourse picked up by Heather on her various travels.

And if you're struggling to choose, customers can opt to sample up to three different positions, without any financial obligation.

Hill's marketing manager, John Sauter, who has organised the sex festival, said: "Heather is becoming increasingly popular, and the festival will give our customers the opportunity to enjoy a range of fun fantasies with her".

Opening hours: 9am-midnight, Sunday-Wednesday; 9am-2am, Thursday-Saturday.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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