Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

image for Shocking News Coming Out Of Australia Is That Kate Gosselin Had The P*e Kicked Out Of Her By A Deranged Kangaroo A photo taken of the deranged kangaroo just before it kicked Kate Gosselin. (Photo by Kate Gosselin).

BRISBANE, Australia - Word coming out from 'The Land Down Under' is that Kate Gosselin, star of Kate Plus 8 was viciously kicked by what is being described by an Australian game warden as a deranged kangaroo.

Kate and her eight brats, ah make that kids, had flown to Australia, the home of Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Mel Gibson, and Mick Dundee, to film some episodes for her award-winning cable network show Kate Plus 8.

According to her aboriginal guide Tom Tom "Pockets" Bermuffian, Mrs. Gosselin just happened to get a little bit too close to one of the native kangaroos after Tom Tom had told her explicitly four times not to get too close to the hopping little fella because he was exhibiting signs of being somewhat of a crazed bastard roo, as the natives call egomaniacal kangaroos who want the whole damn aboriginal region to themselves.

Tom Tom said that as Gosselin reached over to look into the kangaroo's pocket it suddenly reared its left leg and kicked Kate on her right hip causing her to emit a few drop of pee.

Gosselin was tossed about six feet and screamed out like a deliriously demented banshee that had just had both her nipples dipped in hot candle wax.

She fell to the ground and started yelling for a medic. Since there was no medic anywhere to be found the cameraman, identified simply as "Flash" asked her what he could do to comfort her.

Kate asked him if he had a fifth of bourbon. "Flash" replied that he did not.

Gosselin hollered out well how about tequila, vodka, scotch, a damn freakin bottle of Budweiser?

The only thing that Tom Tom had was a bottle of orange Gatorade. He offered it to Gosselin who took one big gulp and then proceeded to pour the rest over her right hip.

She then turned to "Flash" who looked a little like George Clooney, but only taller, skinnier, and black.

Kate asked him if he would please rub the orange Gatorade into her right hip because it was now starting to hurt like a mofo.

Tom Tom's eyes got the size of husky-sized marshmallows and with a grin from ear-to-ear proceeded to rub Kate's right hip with all the tenderness, concern, and lecherous abandon that the situation had thrust him into.

Kate was wearing a pair of Daisy Duke short shorts and a red, white, and blue halter top. She told Tom Tom that he was doing a fine job. She then asked him to rub a little bit harder and a little bit lower.

Tom Tom did as he was told. After about ten minutes a somewhat red faced Gosselin whispered out to Tom Tom and asked him if he was married.

He replied that he was not and Kate shook her head, licked her lips, and asked how it was that he was not.

In next weeks edition of Kate Plus 8 in Australia, one of the brats, ah kids gets caught abusing an adult female koala bear by sticking M&M's in her belly button.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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