Written by Eurocleese De Zouch
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Friday, 8 April 2011

During wedding fever between two young people who have no real right to throne, the Press, and Photographers in general will do anything to get, in their words a picture of "the magic triangle"..a view of that slip of cloth can provide instant reward, or if it ends in failure, a rigorous beating by those in the know.

Photographers from the Sunday Sparrow were found angling their Cameras towards The Queen's nether regions, after she had dismounted Phillip during a game of Polo last Tuesday.

In a desperate attempt to cling on to their slack jawed readership, the Sunday Sparrow have climbed ever further into the shady depths in order to get a picture, that is colloquially known in the rabid press as "Her Vagisty".

Bernard Oswald, a former Photography for "The Shuttlecock", a fierce rival to the Sparrow said in an interview last July "Those at the Sparrow will go hell for leather for a fruity photograph. They're like a rat up a drainpipe. They've even taken a few snaps of Charles whilst he was wearing a Kilt. They claim that there's a strange effergy to Pat Cash up there. It's apparently quite bewildering yet hypnotic."

With readerships dwindling, a photographer would literally eat their own children for the perfect vag snap. A good quality snatch can make £200,000 in a fairly weathered market.

I met a bitter ex photographer who used to work for the Sparrow, who claimed that "Photographers would suddenly shout "boo" at close range in order to try and put each other off, or it would go to the extreme level whereby they would jab a pen in their rival's eye, which meant that they couldn't take photos for 12 minutes. A major hindrance if your looking for action".

The Sparrow is losing readership. It is reported that they have offered The Queen a million quid to get 'um out. Buckingham Palace have yet to respond, but at the Sparrow, that means a hardy "yes", and will stalk her until they get the goods.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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