LOS ANGELES - Pattinson, a favourite among teen girls for being 'hawt', has been found in a nude photograph taken during his days at university.
The photo is 50cm by 60cm, and shows him hanging with his mates while being drunk. According to the digital version of it, it was taken during the middle of the day.
Hah. Fooled you. Wow. Just wow. Seriously? You're going to read about a fictional event that's plain stupid? How the fuck does this get so many points?
Yeah, I'm talking to you reader. Yes, you douchebag.
Do you <ahem> to imaginary photos of certain stars?
Because I look at the Most Viewed and I find 'nude images of celebrity <X>' as a top one. Are you some weird pervert or something?
Can't you just watch real porn? No, even better, get a sexual partner. Yeah, a novel thing for you.
I caught you. You were thinking, 'oh, another one these Spoof writers has written an imaginary article about imaginary pictures' and BAMF! I come at you with a rant. See? I lured you in with the first couple of paragraphs, and then an essay on how stupid your weird tastes in Spoof stories are.
You know what? There are other talented writers on this site. Not everyone writes shitty stories about shit. I don't think even ten of those psuedo-sensationalists you subscribe to match up to one of the greater Spoof writers.
As of press time, I'm virtually giving you the middle finger.