Egg Harbor, N.J. - A Mr. Ronald Cole, of Egg Harbor, walked into our news room today and announced that he had the solution to stop the leak at Fukushima.
"They'll never stop it with the diapers and bath salts they've been using. You can bet your bippy on that one," Ron laughed at me, sucking on his pipe.
When I asked Ron what he would do he told me it was simple.
"It's simple, chief. Just dump in a heck of a lot of oatmeal and pepper. Works like a champ. Lasts a long time."
Ron used to work on cars, and when the radiators would leak, he would always stop the leak this way, he explained. But when I asked him if it would work on a reactor, he told me:
"Sure it will work. Water is water. Holes a are holes. One thing though, you have to take out all the oatmeal and pepper after the leak stops or the entire system will get clogged up and overheat."
When I explained that would be impossible, that it would just have to stay in there, he explained:
"Oh. We're screwed. Too bad. That sucker's gonna overheat, meltdown, light up and blow. Might as well go have a good time. Do you know where I can find a CD with the song Waltzing Matilda?"