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Sunday, 20 March 2011

image for Brian Cox's Joy-Ride In Zero Gravity Chamber Asteroid Formation In Space

Brian Cox tells us that since the beginning of time gravity has been at work in our universe and forged the stars and set the planets in orbit around the sun in unbounded space.

The astro-physicist spoke about the laws of physics and his love of the universe. The boy-scientist spoke of his love of 'Star Trek' and his delight is discovering that physicists once believed that there really was a planet called 'Vulcan'. We all love 'Star Track' and Vulcan Mr Spock with his pointy ears. Cox explained the wonders of the universe and its complex beauty with its worm holes and its black holes which suck matter in like a whirlpool.

As a child Cox was a fan of "2001 Space Odyssey" and he was inspired to become an astro-physicist. The boyish looking scientist explained the theories of the universe in the desert of New Mexico. He dismissed rumours about how the Americans faked the Moon landings in Arizona in a golf buggy covered in metallic silver foil and amateur looking space suits which looked like they had been made on Blue Peter.

Man eating siren Jordan phoned Brian Cox and said he would find with her his very own 'space odyssey' and that she like a black hole would draw him inexorably in. Cox said that he found her very attractive but she wasn't really his type and he 'no likey' her in the words of 'Take Me Out' but "Star Trek's" Uhura and the green woman who tried to seduce James T Kirk on an alien planet were more his cup of tea.

Cox has started a craze for space programmes such as Star Wars and Buck Rogers. He has inspired people to download, "I am in love with a star ship trooper" on You Tube. He has even encouraged Jordan to invest in some Ziggy Stardust metallic leather trousers and gilet.

Space programmes used to be such fun with 'Blake's Seven' with sexy Servelan who was every boys fantasy of a powerful older woman. Many people would love to be able to travel into space on the Star Ship Enterprise and escape the depressing mess in Libya and the problem with the Middle East and the sceptism of the veracity of the so called 'ceasefire'. Jordan sees Cox as a kind of Einstein and she has put herself into the role of Marilyn Monroe was famously fancied him. The glamour puss would like to pull a really intelligent guy rather than the usual dimwits such as Peter Andre and Alex Reid who hardly have a GCSE between them and have been in her orbit. Even though she has earned her bread as glamour model since the age of sixteen Jordan is far from stupid as is actually a very astute business woman who has been able to start lots of profitable business ventures. She has suggested to Cox that if they were together she would build him his own Planetarium and Space telescope and she would invest in his scientific research. Cox can not understand what Jordan is on about most of the time as has told her he doesn't want a pink replica of the Star Ship Enterprise built in his honour but wishes to do serious scientific research.

Cox has married a fellow scientist whom he met at university and she has warned Jordan off her man. Not to be outdone Jordan has been developing a series of silver jump-suits which have been inspired by old space films. She is hoping that these will be a 'bang on' fashion item once it hits the catwalks. The Essex girls want to reappraise the Sarah Brightman frizzy hair and sexy silver cat-suit and silver platform boots. It has been said by Stacey Soloman that fashion is not fun any more with women expected to wear boring taupes and dull colours which do not bring out their inner sex kitten.

The craze for seventies glam rock gear has brought back a nostalgia for the old fashioned discos with the rotating silver ball dangling from the ceiling. It has caused a crazy for Abba songs and a craze for dancing to old Gary Glitter records.

Brian Cox is bemused by all the circus which has been sparked off by his programme and genuinely is puzzled by his new sex symbol status after he looked like a young Mick Jagger when he was in the centrifugal machine which made his face appear all wrinkled. He said he felt as zonked out as Ronnie Woods after a heavy night when leaving the centrifugal force machine.

Jordan refused to be rebuffed by Brian Cox and has begged him to take her into the zero gravity chamber to make her feel alive and excited after her terrible banal 5 minutes of fame with wimpy toy boy Leandro. She is angered by her lack of column inches in The Sun and wants to have an intelligent boyfriend who will be able to protect her from her critics whom she can look up to. She sang over the phone, Sarah Brightman's hit, "I am in love with a starship trooper" over the phone and said I am wearing nothing but a gauzy nightdress which is like a Princess Leah costume from Star Wars.

Jordan has said that there is a strong gravitational force between a man and a woman and this is the strongest force in the universe. She said that fame and success was the 'obelisk' which in "2001 Space Odyssey" which man from the time of time has always been striving to reach. She has asked Cox if she could enrol on one of his Physicist scientific courses at the University of the Solent and Southampton.

Cox has asked student services to send her a prospectus explaining the creche facility available and suitable accommodation for her and her brood. He said he doesn't think she would be able to cope with his level of physics but would have to take A Levels in Physics and Chemistry first and then progress to undergraduate physics work.

Jordan has chosen to give up her reality show programmes about her day-to-day life and instead be a student and have a break from the attention of the media who photograph her every move. She says that she wants life to be 'simple' and 'good' and she wants her precious kids learning the value of an education.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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