Written by dutch
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Thursday, 17 March 2011

Kate Middleton has found that she will be marrying into the family from hell. Her prospective aunt-in-law Princess Anne has given Kate the cold shoulder and has refused to meet her.

Blue blood Princess Anne does not consider Kate Middleton suitable for marrying into 'the firm'. She has looked down her snooty nose at Kate and does not see what William sees in her.

Aunt Anne has painstakingly introduced William and Harry to lots of eminently suitable girls from her hunting and fishing and shooting set who wear all reared on the Brownies and the Pony Club.

Anne was hoping that William would marry one of the 'gel' from her Buckinghamshire set of hooray Henries and Henriettas. It is said that she can not believe that William is actually going to go through with marrying this ordinary girl who has had no breeding and has never hunted with hounds in her life. To Anne country pursuits such as hunting and shooting and shouting 'tally-ho' when on horseback when chase some unfortunate fox are all-consuming.

The aunt of Prince William does not believe that Kate Middleton is 'horsey' enough to make a suitable Royal wife. She sees Kate as some little twiglet with absolutely no personality or spirit. She thinks that Kate will not be able to deal with the pressures of Royal life where there is a small set of courtiers who are subservient to the Windsor set. Anne does not know how Kate will adjust to running a large country estate and throwing house parties and shooting parties. She does not believe that Kate is familiar with their upper-class rituals of the Bullingdon Club and with the royal men having mistresses which is seen as entirely normal by the nobility. Anne does not believe that William will be happy with his timid little wife who will not be able to converse with pompous courtiers and hold her own with them in their repartee and sparking conversation.

Anne has given sister-in-law Camilla a strict talking to and told her that she can see a Royal marriage 'car crash' in the making; she says how can William be happy with someone who is obviously not of blue blood who is not familiar with the mating rituals of the upper-classes; and that it is quite acceptable for the men to 'swing' provided that their wife has children to look after whom he has provided for financially. Angry Anne hit out at Camilla and said that it will be like having Diana in the royal family all over again. Camilla had asked Diana 'what do you want' when she found at Charles was seeing her as his mistress. Girls who are not of the upper-classes do not understand their values and what is acceptable and what is not. Anne slammed Camilla for not teaching Kate how to arrange flowers and how to organise a posh shooting party and know how to speak to people in a bluff no-nonsense, forthright way.

Kate is said to view her new relative 'Auntie Anne' as a very rude and ignorant old harridan who does not know any manners. She is said to not enjoy country pursuits and does not like riding or hunting. Kate enjoys shopping for clothes and going skiing but does not see the need for joining the WI and throwing large country parties every weekend for the Hooray Henries. She is said to view the country grandees as some kind of a throwback to a different age and to an older England that she is not really part of. Kate is said to have been hurt by the 'doors to manual' snobbish jibes by William's so called 'friends' and the way that her mother was criticised for saying 'pleased to meet you' to the Queen instead of 'How Do You Do'. It has suddenly dawned on Kate that she is marrying into a closed and restrictive sect of society which is completely cut off from ordinary people. Poor Kate will spend the rest of her life wearing tartan and tweed and living in some draughty castle or country house where people will be secretly looking down their noses at her as she is not 'top drawer' enough for them.

Kate Middleton increasingly has the look of a trapped rabbit caught in the headlamps. It is wondered if the poor lamb will be able to parachute out of this wedding or whether she will have to go through with the whole charade and live like a royal puppet and a brood-mare for the rest of her life.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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