WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has personally invited three of the most popular young performers in America to attend a St. Patrick's Day Barbecue to take place on the White House lawn.
The president said that he was thrilled and honored to be paying tribute to the fine people of Irish descent by inviting Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato to the White House.
When the president was told by White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax that neither Bieber, Gomez, nor Lovato were Irish, the president remarked, "You're effen kiddin' me Cal. Not even, like 1/8 or 1/16?"
Colfax grinned and replied, not even 1/32.
The president then remarked, "Well Cal get on the phone and invite some folks who we do know for sure are Irish such as Regis Philbin, Conan O'Brien, Mickey Rourke, Rosie O'Donnell, Danica Patrick and Michael Moore...ah wait a minute, on second thought don't invite Michael, the sucker can eat half a side of beef all by himself."
An hour later Colfax went into the President's former 'Presidential Smoking Room' which he has now had converted into the 'Presidential Beer Drinking Room' and informed him that out of the five Irish celebrities he had contacted that four said they could not make it and the fifth one, Rosie O'Donnell said that she would come but only if she could bring a lesbian date.
"It ain't Wanda Sykes is it?" He asked.
He was told that it wasn't Sykes. He thought about it for a few moments and then told Colfax to go ahead and tell Rosie that she can come to the White House St. Patrick's Day Barbecue and she can bring a lesbianite date.
But he did stress to Cal to let Rosie know in no uncertain terms that he did not want to see any embarrassing photos in the newspapers the next day of Rosie and her gal pal hugging, kissing, or touching each other's private parts.
Colfax acknowledged the President's mandate and said that he would let Miss O'Donnell know that her and her date must make sure and keep their lesbianisn under control and that once they leave the White House property then they are free to do whatever the hell it is that lesbians do to each other.
The president was so thrilled that he told Cal that he was going to give him a raise.
Colfax informed the president that he appreciated that, but he reminded him that he had just received a very nice raise only two weeks before.
The president smiled and replied that he was the president and that he can do whatever the hell he wants to do just as long, of course, as he clears it with the "First Mama" first.
"Gotcha Mr President."
Music for the St. Patrick's Day Barbecue will be provided by Sasha and Malia Obama's favorite hip hop rap band, Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz.