Written by Lady Godiva
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Tuesday, 15 March 2011

image for How about a Military Tank as a Garden Centrepiece with which to 'wow' your neighbours? New fad for garden centrepieces

The British Military are short of cash and over-run with all manner of miliary machinery and will be holding an auction soon in order to get a bit of cash back in their coffers.

Fewer men in the military means fewer pieces of hardware required, so about 600 tanks, four frigates and destroyers, all manner of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces will be placed up for auction very soon.

It is anticipated that ex-military personnel will represent the bulk of prospective bidders at the auction, looking for something nostalgic.

One ex-soldier interviewed said that he has already ripped out the large fountain in front of his house and is preparing a concrete base for a tank he will be bidding on.

There are 600 up for grabs so he is pretty certain one will be his.

He is also optimistic that his bid on a frigate will be successful as his property backs onto the River Tees close to Stockton, which will be a perfect spot for it.

The Teeside council has given permission for the frigate to be placed at the end of his property with one stipulation, that the gentleman in question will provide 'paid' guided tours around the frigate and hand one third of the proceeds over to the council. This has been agreed upon.

The one thing the Military is adamant about is that no painting of auctioned-off machinery must be carried out. The tanks etc. must maintain their original military colours. No 'red' tanks or 'purple frigates' heaven forbid.

We will keep you updated on this unusual story.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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