Written by Stella Kordun
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Sunday, 13 March 2011

The 'dumbing down' of the English language has never been so apparent as it is in the sporting world today and the particular examples used by football commentators whose cliches stumble over other cliches illustrate the point.

In fact, early doors, the language of the colloquial was used in sporting headlines to aid recognition and a sense of pride amongst fans but at the end of the day, Andy Gray said, "You live and learn but you've got to stay the course", when asked if it was wise that he voiced sexist comments off the air but recorded. "Football is a funny old game", Gray acknowledged "but there are no easy games." as he appeared to confuse the two worlds of football and commentator. Richard Keyes, Gray's partner in crime, agreed, that their choice of the top five players "ran their socks off" and "gave 110%."

Managers and players fare no better, Terry Venables stressed that "If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen." and Barry Venison and Ian Wright both put their foot in it by adding, "I always used to put my right boot on first and then obviously my right sock" Ian Wright:- "It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up" (to being an alcoholic). Paul Gasgoine was always the man to add the stress, "It was a big relief off my shoulder." Put a sock in it lads.

But 'take each game as it comes' echo many a commentator, yet at the same time "they're fighting for their lives" How are fans supposed to think? They certainly appear to be manipulated by strange word choices. Anyway, it's all for one and one for all, all hands on deck and please don't beat around the bush, say it as it is!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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