SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie Sheen had just finished shooting his latest edition of his Internet show titled Sheen's Korner when he took time out to speak with a reporter for The Tinsel Town Times Tribune.
Sheen asked Cashew Vixenheimer if she wanted a glass of Tiger Blood. She respectfully informed him that she had just had a 16 ounce bottle of Diet Pepsi on the way to his mansion.
Cashew asked Sheen how he was doing. Charlie responded in typical Sheenesque fashion by asking, "How am I doing what? Winning? I'm doing good. No in fact, I'm doing better than good. I'm winning. So as you can see I'm doing about as good as any warlord can do.
Oh and by the way did I say that I'm winning. Because I don't care what they, the losing losers on the losing side say, I know that I am winning.
And how do I know that I'm winning? Well it's because I saw my reflection reflecting off my forehead and I could read that it said the winner is winning, of course it was backwards but I know what it said because I could make out the two "W's" and the five "N's."
Vixenheimer asked Sheen if he had a Tylenol. And Sheen replied, "A Tylenol? I am a winner. And do tell, do pray tell, what in the world does a winning warlord winner like me who survives on Tiger blood, Marlboro cigarettes, and kisses from my stable of "two goddesses" need with a Tylenol?"
Cashew asked about his upcoming show on the Pshaw Network. Charlie perked up. He said that he has signed to do a live reality show which is named, Help I'm A Bi-Polar Celebrity...Get Me and Me Out Of Here!.
Sheen said that the idea for the show came to him in a day dream that he had while he was actually sleeping. He paused, looked upward, as if he was trying to stare at the moon and remarked, "Or was it a nightmare that I had while I was day dreaming? Goodness, whoever said that it was easy being a warlock didn't know sh*t from Shinola or cr*p from carpeting."
Cashew told Sheen that she appreciated him taking the time out from his busy schedule to meet with her. He asked if she wanted to stay for dinner which consisted of winning wieners-on-a-stick.
She thanked him but said that she had to run because she had an appointment to interview one of his old castmates, Conchata Ferrell, who played Berta the housekeeper.
"Old Conchi huh" Sheen asked. "Well Cashflow, it was great talking at cha. And do tell fatty Ferrell that the 'Dipstick' said hello, she'll know what I mean."
A tired, haggard, and mentally worn out Cashew Vixenheimer remarked to her editor that the only thing missing in her interview with Charlie Sheen was the friggin space ship.