Tokyo - Chief Cabinet Secretary Yuk E. Dano told told reporters at a press conference this afternoon that radioactive materials released from Japanese reactors are not harmful to human health.
"It's like our rice. Our rice does not make you fat. Just look at our people. Like our rice, our radioactive materials are good for you. They make you healthy. People pay a lot of money to get radiation treatment. It cures cancer. Our radiation releases will cure cancers all over the world. We are only allowing the most rich and powerful people of Japan to come near the leaking reactor because only they deserve the wonderful health benefits of the exposure. We will consider allowing foreigners to come after we clean up some of the mud. Japanese mud is very beneficial for facial too. After our women are through using it for facials we will allow West to come in. Also, the aspartame we make here is good for you.."
After hearing that, I walked out of the press conference. I'm blind due to aspartame use.