Phoenix, AZ - Governor Jan Brewer stunned the media today when her office issued a press release announcing that enough funds had been received from the federal government to balance the state budget, and eliminate the need for further cuts to basic services, increased teacher and police/firefighter layoffs, and tax increases. The funds were acquired by posing as a failed bank and a the country of Mexico.
Here is the press release:
We were sitting around brainstorming about what to do. Our state economy had been devastated by the broader economic meltdown, which was magnified by excessive illegal immigration. We had already reamed our workers, like Wisconsin is trying to do, and we were still in the red. And instead of helping us, the Feds were making it even more difficult by suing us and forcing an expensive legal battle. Someone started joking about how the Feds were trillions of dollars in debt, yet they had 800 billion to give the wall street banks, and billions of dollars to give away to foreign countries, yet instead of just giving us a couple billion to save our state and citizens, they take us to court.
Someone said 'Maybe if we were greedy unscrupulous bankers, instead of suing us they would pay us off.' And we decided to pose as a failed bank, as a publicity stunt. We wrote a letter to the Federal Reserve, posing as a little bank in Phoenix. We dropped the name of a couple of Goldman Sachs board members, and said we needed a billion dollars to cover some trading losses. Well, the next day some guys in black suits delivered a brief case with 1.5 billion in treasury bonds!
It worked out so well, we scored again when we posed as a Mexican government agency based in Chihuahua Mexico. Most people don't realize that billions and billions are just given away each year by the Feds, to countries like Israel, Egypt, Libya, and Mexico. Over a billion is already scheduled to go to Mexico this year already, so we bribed some local officials in Chihuahua to pose as Federals. And we sent in a proposal for one billion to 'Promote immigration from the state of Chihuahua into the USA'. We got a wire transfer into a bank based in the Bahamas right away. Talk about a lack of due diligence! We could have been a drug cartel for all they knew! We are happy, now we have enough money to pay our teachers and firefighters."
There was no official word from Washington regarding the revelation. One official spoke on the condition of anonymity. He said a lawsuit was being planned, and possible criminal charged as well. "That money was not intended for any damn Arizona teachers or firefighters! It's fraud, pure and simple,'and we want the money back.