I can't afford a 50" HD LCD TV with Freeview. Stuck as I am in a poverty trap on a State Pension this sort of thing is out of my reach. However this is seriously infringing my Human Right to a higher standard of living than what I can afford. It's discrimination, mate, that's what it is, because I'm entitled to one, and that's good enough for me. SO - I think I'll try the European Court of Human Rights - again.
It worked well enough when the Police arrested me for shop-lifting and I said they had no right to arrest me just because I couldn't afford that bottle of Drambuie, and it worked well enough when I only got fined for doing 90 in a 30mph zone and knocking down that little Paki b***ard on a crossing and I successfully avoided a gaol term on the basis that my accelerator pedal became unexpectedly jammed hard down on the floor. I hadn't been drinking at the time either, but while I was in the pub a complete stranger held my mouth open and forced me to drink a pint cocktail and I had no money for a taxi so I had to use my own wheels to get home, didn't I.
Not my fault, mate, not my fault. Of course they tried to frame me anyway for all these things what I hadn't done. Typical of the CPS really. If they had their way you'd be banged up for putting your dustbin out too early or having the wrong coloured curtains..............It's a Police State, mate. Trust me. It's a Police State.
Now if I was a darkie of course I wouldn't have to worry about any of this because I would be automatically innocent under the Political Correctness Act - which year was that? I can't remember. But of course being a White Caucasian I have to watch my step ever more carefully in Multi-Cultural Britain. I'm actually surprised I'm still allowed to live here at all really since I fully expect to be kicked out of my Council flat any day now to make way for some illegal immigrants who can't be repatriated in case we are deemed to be racist by the International Community. And that would never do, would it? I mean what right does anyone born and raised here by White Caucasian parents actually have anyway? None at all, mate, none at all. We're lucky not to be rounded up and shipped off to Siberia.
Yeah but hang about - I'm covered aren't I? That Human Rights thing covers me regardless, so them immigrants will have to fuck off home instead, except that that would be infringing their Human Right to Political Asylum and this is all rather confusing - innit?!
Anyway the other day an old friend of mine, Alfie, was just walking along minding his own business on his way to the corner shop when he accidentally bumped into a Muslim lady pushing a double baby-stroller which took up most of the pavement, and the next minute he was set upon by a group of Afghan hoodies who beat the crap out of him and left him barely alive. And you know what? When he complained to the local Fuzz they worked him over again and told him in no uncertain terms not to waste valuable Police time with his whinging: "Don't bother coming to us, mate. Just be thankful they didn't kill you otherwise we would be bringing charges against you for inciting racial violence. Dead or not. Now fuck off".
I don't know what it's all coming to really. But I do know that without this Human Rights stuff none of us would be able to get away with anything any more. And as for being free to take the royal piss 24/7 with the backing of Legal Aid from HM Government, not a chance mate. Not a bleeding chance.
Still at least my sister's alright. She had her seventeenth baby last week and the press was all gathered round her bed in the NHS (National Health Sh**house) when one of them clever journalists had a go at her for being a single mum with all them kids by seventeen different down-and-out petty criminal drug-adict dads and expecting the Welfare State to look after the whole family with a great big house and everything paid for out of taxpayers' money, and do you know what she said to him? "Look 'ere, you big poncey middle class twat, it is my Yuman Rights as a lady (?) to 'ave as many bleeding kids as I like! I can open me legs for any geezer who 'appens to 'ave some gear when I needs it and YOU and all yer poncey mates can shove it right up your poncey arses, you bunch of gay bum boys!" And you know what? She's right. She's got every Human Right to make babies - any time she likes. And her daughters (eleven of them, now) have just as much right to carry on the family tradition and be single mums just like her. It's their Human Right mate. And David bleeding Cameron will have to put up with it. Just hope none of them's stupid enough to go on Jeremy Kyle.....
I mean, let's face it. Without the European Court of Human Rights we might actually have to take responsibility for our own actions, and that would never do, mate. That would never do at all.