"You never know where you stand with them," HR Manager Leslie Behan told Skoob News. "They're just bastards who screw you uphill and down dale when you can't keep up with their whimsical meanderings."
Wondering what had prompted such a racist outburst, Skoob News sent cub reporter Dermot O'Malley to investigate. Following a lengthy conversation with Ms Behan, who isn't even Irish, O'Malley concluded that the Behan woman is 'as mad as a bag o' chimpanzees.'
Behan claims that not only Irish people, but also British born Irish second generation people are completely unmanageable. According to Behan, the Irish and the first generation Anglo-Irish should have all been put down at birth, because:
"The bastards never give in. They just don't understand the concept of submission. Which makes them virtually unmanageable. Whatever you say to them, they just argue - terribly stroppy they are. King Billy had the right idea. We don't want stroppy Irishmen - we want Poles and Latvians and people from Eritrea who'll suck up all the shite we feed 'em. Not people who ask questions. That's just wrong."
Which is probably fair comment, if you're a repressed Hampshire hog with delusions of grandeur. And inordinately large and clumsy feet.
"Apart from this eejit," our reporter, O'Malley opined, "Most of the Irish folks seem to be okay. My impression remains that she's a frustrated woman who could probably do with a pint of the Liffey water and a couple of cockles off Molly Malone. The daft cow."
More as we get it.