Kate Middleton already HAS her dress. It is in the sewing room of a very large bridal store just outside Toronto for final alterations.
She was apparently shopping for her dress the same day one of our Spoof Writers was there with her daughter, shopping for a wedding dress.
Most 'shoppers' stopped in their tracks when they saw Kate enter. They all watched as her 'assistant' (all brides-to-be get their own personal assistant assigned to them) guided Kate around the racks and racks of dresses and carried the chosen ones to the dressing room area.
The owner of the store ,85 yr. old Tony Domdebrassio, quickly had his staff arrange chairs in rows to accommodate those who wanted to watch Kate as she tried on each dress.
Other brides and their entourages sat and waited with bated breath.
Out came Kate in the first dress to rounds of applause from the ever- growing crowd. Oohs! and Aahs! could be heard throughout the store.
After twirling around a few times, viewing herself in the huge mirrors, Kate stepped down from the 'pedestal' and went off to try on the second dress.
An hour later Kate had made her final decision. She had her 'assistant' hold up each dress on her 'short list' in turn and allowed the impromptu audience to choose their favourite by means of applause.
Satisfied with the outcome the chosen dress was taken away for minor alterations.
When asked why she hadn't told reporters in England and around the World, about the way in which she had intended to choose her dress in virtual privacy, she answered,
"Well, it keeps the designers and public guessing and keeps them out of my hair - so to speak - but let's get real here...how thick must they be to be squabbling over who is to design my dress when the wedding is only weeks away?
Not one of them would be able to get a wedding dress 'finished' in such a short time.
Also, the press are no-where around over here, bothering me and I am now off to Starbucks for a coffee. Bye everyone! Thanks for helping me choose my dress."
With a very quick un-Royal wave, she left the store and set off towards Starbucks.
The other brides-to-be went quickly back to their own business, happy to have met Kate and at having played a small part in the choosing of the Royal Wedding Dress.