The well kept Royal secret is no longer 'well kept'. Spoof Writer, Lady G. has been working undercover at the Palace as a lady-in- waiting (waiting for a 'scoop').
The 'scoop' came when she overheard Queen Elizabeth having a conversation with Philip. Philip wasn't really listening and looked totally bored, staring into space, hands behind his back, probably to keep himself from choking the old biddy.
Lady G. immediately emailed her editor with the following:
Mark, guess what I've just heard? (Well naturally, being an email Mark hadn't a snowball's chance in hell of responding-now if Lady G. had sent a text message, Mark would have been 'in with a chance'). I've just heard that Queen Liz really does NOT want to attend the wedding of William and 'that Kate girl' (Queenie's words). Apparently she's planned a shopping trip to IKEA for that day.
She has been in touch with Dame Helen Mirren, who has, apparently, agreed to attend the Royal Wedding in her place. After all...dame Helen was perfect in the movie and Queen Liz believes Helen can 'pull it off'.This is a scoop for the Spoof, but maybe we should keep quiet until AFTER the wedding and see if anyone notices.