Written by birbee
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 4 March 2011

image for Slow Cooked Foraged Food Nice Pair.............

Following the success of recently published series of Recipe and Vegipe books specially written for the slow cooker enthusiast, the latest edition turns it's metaphorical hand to a more 'natural', if not necessarily organic, collection of meals.

Fungi in Buttercup Butter

Originally meant to be Mushrooms in Garlic Butter, this recipe is much easier if any old type of mushroom or toadstool is used. It has been said that the uninitiated should be wary about picking the wrong kind of fungus, but that could be rubbish. As well as being easier if you are not too choosy, it is also quicker to get everything ready so you can spend more time cooking.

Gather about fourteen handfuls of mushrooms or toadstools or any other fungus and chuck it in the slow cooker with a little water.

To make the Buttercup butter, simply pick a load of Buttercups (or any other yellow flower) and chuck them in the pot.

Cook on a fast/slow heat for about four hours for a fresh tasty spring snack.

[Eds note: Snowdrops are not suitable for this dish.]

Vegetable Soup

Have you ever walked or driven past a load of allotments, you know, the ones with manky sheds that look like they are about to fall over and are mostly overgrown, and thought to yourself "I would love to have some of those fresh vegetables, straight out of the ground"? Well why don't you? Just nip over the fence and pull a few out of the ground. If you have a portable slow cooker then you can get cooking straight away, but if not then drive home really quickly, break the speed limit if necessary, and get your slow cooker turned on.

Chuck all the veg into the pot, no need to wash or chop them, you never see wild animals do this do you and they are pretty healthy beasts.

Leave the slow cooker on slow and a moderate to low heat and let it chug away for a day or two. You may have to stir it a few times, but it should eventually just bubble down to a mush.

One last stir and you have fresh, piping hot, slow cooked Vegetable Soup.

The Colonel's Road Kill

Inspired by a Columbian Colonel, this dish is incredibly easy to make. Having a car (or any type of motorised transport) is advantageous as this makes it easier to not only carry your haul home but also actually create a haul if you cannot find any.

It doesn't really matter what type of Road Kill you use, but try to stay away from Magpies. They don't taste too good, but should still be killed as they are a pest and need to be eliminated from the face of the Earth.

Bustards

Birds in general are not too great as they tend to be all wings and feathers, unless you are lucky enough to be driving across Salisbury Plain and come across a dead (or dying) Bustard. There will probably be a badly damaged car in the close vicinity of a hit Bustard but this should be ignored. Bustards have a huge amount of meat and they are surprisingly lean despite their size. You may have to cook half a bird at a time, unless you have an industrial size slow cooker.

Cooked with a few onions, these make a great accompiament to slow cooked spuds, robbed from your local allotment, or Spar shop if there are no allotments close by or you are not into gardening.

Cook at steady slow heat for approximately thirteen days, depending on the size and weight of the bird.

Foxy Foxy

Last, and probably least, is the rural fox. It doesn't have to be rural but if it is then you don't have to go so far for your food.

Make sure there are no maggots and the tail has been removed prior to cooking as this can contaminate the dish with red hair, and let's face it, no one likes a mouth full of red hair.

Don't bother about gutting the corpse or anything like that, but it is useful to know whether the animal had a shit recently, so a small bit of stalking may be required.

As with most of these recipes (this one is definitely NOT a vegipe) just chuck it in the pot and cook.

The secret is in the timing and the heat level.

For a medium sized fox, about seven and a half days on a medium high slow crawling heat is about right.

Always thoroughly wash the cookers prior to using them to heat up any vibrators or other sex toys.............

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

64 readers are online right now!

Go to top