Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 4 March 2011

image for Michael Nesmith Explains Why He Won't Be Accompanying The Monkees On Their Concert Tour of England The Monkees will be using double decker bus #52 to travel from city to city on their concert tour of England.

LOS ANGELES - The second oldest member of the Monkees has explained why he will not be accompanying his fellow band mates on their concert tour of England.

Michael "Wool Hat" Nesmith, 68, said that he just flat out does not like the other three members of the Monkees band. He said that Mickey (Dolenz), 65; Davy (Jones), 65; and Peter (Tork), 69; never liked the fact that he was the only true musician out of the four.

Nesmith could actually play the guitar and not just hold it in front of him and pretend that he was playing it. Michael could also play the harmonica, the Jews Harp, the oboe, the marimba, and the vuvuzela.

Micheal said that Peter had never even realized that a bass guitar only had four strings. He said that Mickey would hit the drums and the cymbals but they were made out of rubber and the actual cymbal sound and drum sound was dubbed in later by a three man crew of technicians.

And Davy, who stood 5 foot 1 inch tall did not play a damn thing. He would just stand there either holding a tambourine, which was usually out of tune, or a pair of maracas that he would merely shake back and forth and which never made any noise because the beads had been removed.

When the band first started all four made a gentleman's agreement that they would not reveal the fact that Mickey, Davy, and Peter were about as musically inclined as a kangaroo with ball peen hammer.

Peter Tork who was the oldest Monkee told Nesmith that if he agreed to go on the tour that he would let him go up to his 800 acre Colorado ranch and let him hunt elk.

Nesmith who is an avid big game hunter told him that he had already been offered an opportunity to go hunt elk up in Alaska with Todd Palin and his salmon fishing guide Nanicka Zapalicka.

And so the Monkees will tour as a 3/4 group. The other three Monkees asked Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richard to take Nesmith's place but he told them he would not be able to because he was having to practice since his band had been booked by Queen Elizabeth to play at Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding reception.

Keith did recommend a fairly good guitar player who was probably available. He told the guys that his name was Eric Clapton.

So now everyone is busy trying to figure out if the billing on the tickets and posters is going to be The Monkees featuring Eric Clapton or Eric Clapton and The Monkees.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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