BEVERLY HILLS - Charlie Sheen sat in the living room of his Mulholland Estates mansion, nicknamed Casa Jose Cuervo playing with his twin two-year-old boys Maximum and Bobblehead.
And as the boys played with their toy gold-plated Lincoln Logs Charlie sat in his favorite recliner watching reruns of the number one rated sit-com on television Two and A Half Men.
"Hey I remember boinking that girl," he yelled out at the screen as a scene with Charlie Harper and Courtney, who was played by Jenny McCarthy came on the big screen.
Charlie shook his head, took a sip from his handy bottle of Jose Cuervo, or as they call it in Arizona Joe Crow, and just sat grinning from ear-to-ear.
Outside, in his Olympic size pool his two girlfriends Bree Olson and Natalie Kenly frolicked freely and felicitously in the warm water and actually came kind of close to getting into an Ellen DeGeneres and Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres type of physical act.
Charlie saw them and walked over to the window. "Hey, y'all cut that out, I run a damn respectable place here and I will not have two girls on my property acting like a couple of San Francisco 'muff bumpers.'
"Yes Charlie." came the replies.
The doorbell rang and it was two members of the Beverly Hills Police Department. They informed Sheen that they were there to pick up his twin sons Maximum Sheen and Bobblehead Sheen since the judge had ordered that custody be revoked.
One of the officers asked Charlie if those were their real names. He looked at the officer and replied, "Of course not, they're in the toddler witness protection program, there real names are Margarito and Panchito Estevez but don't tell anyone dude."
The officer asked Sheen if he had been drinking. Charlie smiled and asked, "Well now officer, I guess that, that really depends on what your definition of drinking is."
"Alcohol Mr. Sheen. Have you been imbibing in alcohol?"
"Yes sir. Let me put it in terms that a third grader can understand Mr. Sheen."
The officer then asked him if he had within the past six hours put any kind of beverage in his mouth such as beer, wine, whiskey, bourbon, or Scotch.
Charlie replied that he had not. The officer then walked over to his recliner and noticed a tequila bottle beside it on the floor.
"And what's this Mr. Sheen?...Gatorade?"
Charlie grinned and replied, "Well now officer, sir, with all due respect you did not mention tequila in your previous listing."
The officer became very agitated and told him that he wanted him to lie face down on the floor.
Charlie asked him if he was going to frisk him because if he was he wanted to warn him that he is extremely ticklish and when he starts giggling he has a tendency of peeing uncontrollably and since he just finished drinking about 12 ounces of Gatorade he could not guarantee anything.
The officer looked outside at the two girls frolicking around in the pool. He then told Sheen to go jump in the pool before he one, tases him, two, arrests him, or three, shoots him.
Charlie asked if he was really going to take Maximum and Bobblehead away. The officer nodded that he was. Charlie smiled and replied, "No problem, I'll just have some more."
He then took off his shoes and all of his clothes and ran and jumped into the pool.