Written by Auntie Matter
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Wednesday, 2 March 2011

image for Hugh Hefner's Sex Biography Released Hefner's 'Sure-Fire' Best Seller.

Hugh Hefner recovering from a hernia operation in a private clinic in LA has announced the forthcoming publication of "Stop It!" a book, written by the publishing guru himself and based largely on his own life. So, writes Lance Godbolt of The Vagina Observer.

"It is more than a biography," explained Hefner. "It is largely, and very largely at that, a scientific investigation into human sexuality through my own, very personal experience. With a foreward written by Charles Sheen it is sure to be a best seller." he added with a grin. "Charles was more than eager to add his five bucks worth, to stretch a point, personally speaking."

When Godbolt pointed out that the several chapters devoted to group sex and in particular the section; "Zen and the Art of Running an Orgy in your Dorm" could be attacked by the Republicans and even the Liberals, Hefner chuckled. "Then I would advise them to read the chapter "Politicians Who have Stayed at My Mansion".

"But, isn't it sending out the wrong message?"

"No. A man has to stand up for what he believes, with or without Viagra. I consider this book to be the new Kama Sutra. It is a religious, even mystical work. My contribution to world scholarship."

"But the book could be seen as almost a call to... depravity."

"I don't subscribe to that word "depravity". Human sexuality is a Divine gift and sex itself is a spiritual experience... especially with twins, and moreso with triplets... if you can afford it, of course."

"How would you sum it up?"

"It is a thick book, first and foremost, and very personal. It goes right up the middle to the innermost core of the subject, sweeps aside all resistance and positively gushes with insight. Future generations will praise me for writing it. You have to understand, civilization is undergoing a massive ideological rift at present with regards to sexuality. You have reactionary American puritanism on the upsurge, getting bigger by the second, facing Muslim ascetic extremism. But I have managed at last to plunge my hands into the dyke. You could describe its main thrust as going beyond first base, so to speak and getting right into the issue of vaginal sex. It is a seminal work in that regard."

"That may be so, Mr. Hefner... but the Roman Empire.."

"That is all stuff and nonsense about the Roman Empire going down the gurgler because of sex. I take a hard line on that."

"So why did you write the book in the first place?"

"Money. And to bring people closer to God. As my wife always says; "You have to make a stand sooner or later". Ouch!"

"Are you okay Mr. Hefner?"

"I think something may have come up. Nurse! All hands on dick...I mean... deck."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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