LONDON - A group of photos which have been making the rounds lately proporting to be of Kate Middleton are fake according to the woman who should know, Kate Middleton.
Middleton said that she first learned of the photos when she received a text message from her future grandmother-in-law Elizabeth.
Kate was so shocked to see the word "Nude" on her cell phone screen that she dropped the phone on the floor hitting her pet cat, Pussywillow, who jumped up causing Middleton to spill her blueberry Margarita all over the kitchen floor.
Billy, as Kate refers to Prince William in the privacy of their bedroom, ran in and asked what the bloody bloomin 'ell was goin' on.
Kate was so shocked at seeing the word "Nude" which her future husband's grandmother had typed that she could not speak.
The prince of a lad did ask how her blueberry Margarita had gotten spilled all over the kitchen floor. Kate, still unable to talk simply pointed towards where Pussywillow was licking all four of her paws and getting a little high from the drink.
Finally Billy decided to call up his grandmother and get to the bottom of it all. He listened intently as Granny Lilibeth told him that she recently was so bored that she decided to surf the Internet and after 25 minutes she came across some photos of his future wife in her birthday suit.
Billy replied that it was impossible as Kate does not own a birthday suit. He said she has lots of fancy dresses, frilly skirts, and a few pairs of Daisy Duke short shorts but no birthday suit.
Apparently the queen told her grandson that she was going to spell it out for him because he remarked yes granny please spell it out.
She did. He read it and informed her that he would call her back after he had talked with his future bride.
Billy and Kate had a long talk. He then called his grandmother back and assured her that the nude photos proporting to be of Kate where positively not her because the woman in the picture does not have a tattoo of a World War II British Spitfire on her upper right thigh.
The Queen thanked her grandson for getting back with her in a timely manner and remarked that she had to go and check on her extensive hat collection which currently numbers 1,403.