Washington - President Obama announced today that the nation's financial woes are over. The deficit, trade imbalance, and national debt have been resolved. Not only are they gone, but the country is about to enjoy prosperity unheard of in the history of man.
The press corps took a few moments to take in this information. The first cautious hand was raised by Charlie Dogooder, of the left of center site Republicans Stink Like Three Day Old Diapers, asked how it was all possible. President Obama smiled and introduced America to the new Secretary of the Treasury, Zorg the Unstoppable.
Secretary Zorg, a seven foot tall insectoid, scrambled onto the stage. Zorg addressed the audience.
"As you know I am Zorg the Unstoppable and I am not of your world. For many years my fellow insectoids have watched you deliciously simple manimals fritter away your wealth on things like: high end walkie talkies, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and things that go BOOM! Now that you have spent all of your money I am here to assist you. "
Zorg then went into his three point financial plan.
1. The biggest US creditors, Saudi Arabia and China, no longer exist. Do not ask where they are.
2. Zorg has disbanded Social Security and Medicare. There will be no sick or elderly of your kind ever again.
3. Zorg has disbanded all education funding. In the new paradise you manimals will only need to know how to graze and become pleasingly plump.
4. Manimals must rub themselves down with buttermilk three times a day. Do not ask why. The Chinese and Arabs asked why.
Zorg walked off the stage.
Obama smiled and said,"I just want to add how indebted we are to Secretary Zorg the Unstoppable. God bless Zorg. God bless America"