As you have all heard on the news today I was successful in my lust for power and was duly elected into the fifth ever Irish Government. Enda was on the phone to me first thing and offered me a cabinet post. I am now the Minister for Special Things. I have a budget of 100s and 100s of billions to spend on anything I want.
The first thing I'm going to do is build a yellow brick road to somewhere very special, maybe Cork or Abudabi. I could join the two with a fly over or a channel tunnel. My research shows that there would be really good economic potential for a project like that, or at least it will when I hire some consultants to do the research.
I will also be putting in a bid to buy the Vatican, The Eiffel Tower and Buckingham palace as a job lot, with a view to moving them to the centre of Dublin. The Irish tourist Board has failed to attract tourists to Ireland in recent years. Theses three things attract lots of tourists so if I can agree the shipping costs the problem is solved at once. Plenty of Drunk English Stag party's swinging out of the top of the Eiffel Tower at closing time will add greatly to the already congenial atmosphere that the centre of Dublin is famous for at closing time on a Friday and Saturday night.
In the wake of the recent prisets on crack scandals the Vatican would not send a representative to Dublin for questioning. If my proposal to relocate it to the centre of Dublin was successful. The police could visit it every day. That would also solve the issues of dwindling numbers at mass, as they could attend mass every day and see the pope directly for questioning.
Having spent 800 years trying to gain independence from th British, earlier this year Fianna Fail and their banker friends saw fit to give the country back to them. Due to this I see no problem with demolishing Trinity College and putting Buck House in its place. What do peasants need with a degree in any case?
I just hope that my time as a Minister can be as special and productive as my predecessors in Fianna Fail