Written by Karen Fish
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Monday, 28 February 2011

image for Tiger Woods called Fallen Mike Tyson by Johnny Miller

The bigger they are the harder they fall. Devon James who claimed to be one of Tiger Woods' 18 mistresses announced that she was releasing a Tiger Woods sex tape but then Philadelphia boxer Teneal Goyco came forward and said that in the Tiger Woods Devon James sex tape he played Tiger Woods.

Teneal Goyco will not be receiving tonight's Academy Awards Irving G. Thalberg Lifetime Achievement Award. Galyna Kolotnytska will be presenting that award to Francis Ford Coppola.

They say that truth is stranger than fiction. The thing that has made Johnny Miller so loved and respected by golf fans worldwide is that in the golf world where truth is a rarer commodity than in politics Johnny Miller is the only one who has always told the truth. Johnny Miller is so respected as a lightning hot dashing blonde golfer and golf commentator that yesterday when Bubba Watson flared wide right you could hear Bubba Watson moan 'You gotta be kiddin' me.'

The young Mike Tyson used to scare the heck out of his opponents by charging out of his corner and launching his opponents into the fourth row in the first 16 seconds of the match. Johnny Miller often complained that golf didn't have anyone who could give the young Tiger Woods a fight, that whenever Tiger took the lead the other players fell apart.

Parking for today's WGC Accenture World Match Play Championship Final is at the corner of N. Dove Mountain Blvd. and Tangerine. Sean Foley has been rebuilding Tiger Woods' swing for 6 months. In his first round match against Thomas Bjorn Tiger Woods stood on the tee of the first playoff hole, a long par 4. To make sure he hit the fairway, Tiger pulled out a 9 iron but he still hit a huge banana slice off the earth and down into the boulevard of broken cactii.

Golf is like life only on a larger scale. On Friday night on The Golf Channel Johnny Miller said, "It's (the Tiger Woods story) a little bit like a Mike Tyson story to be honest with you; sort of invincible, scared everybody, performed quickly under pressure and until the Buster Douglas came along, of life, Tiger started to hit that in his life. His life crumbled and it's like Humpty Dumpty. He was on the high wall way above all the other players and had a great fall and there's pieces (poor subject verb agreement) all over the place and he's trying to put them together."

Johnny Miller continued, doing his Dr. Robert Rotella impersonation, "It's a tough thing because as my father said (at this point Brandell Chamblee sang out, 'Momma Told Me Not to Come!') the psyche in golf is very delicate, it's very fragile, and when you lose your psyche and your confidence, (not to mention your reputation, children and endorsements) there's nothing you can do to get that back (Brandell Chamblee: 'Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged!') except for play more tournaments and get put your rounds out there if they're bad, but turn it around and start playing some good rounds and posting some good scores, otherwise you're just doing it on the practice tee."

Johnny Miller's advice to Tiger Woods is that he should start playing better. When Johnny Miller ripped the captain for playing Justin Leonard in the Ryder Cup Justin responded by holing a 90 foot putt to clinch the Ryder Cup for the United States. Perhaps comparing Tiger Woods to the convicted rapist Mike Tyson is exactly what is needed to restore Tiger's psyche and help him to win this year's Grand Slam; the real one. Tiger Woods has already taken Johnny Miller's advice by replacing Stevie on the bag with Galyna Kolotnytska because only she knows Tiger's routine.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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