Today's News With Rush Limbo:
"Can't wait for the weekend. I have a big golf game scheduled and former VP Dick Cheney is going to be in the foursome. Yes Turdley, I'll keep an eye out for his Big Bertha.
Do you realize that it was two years ago that Bernie Madoff began his 200-year sentence? What? OK, his 150-year sentence. Sorry if you're listening. Gave you a scare there. Anyway, a fond happy birthday to you. He'll probably be celebrating with his new wife, Biff tonight.
Tiger Woods has lost out in another tournament. Maybe you should join our group this weekend Tiger. A good shot in the face might just shake you out of that slump.
Colonel Kagoofy in Libya says that he will not run from his country. As he stated earlier, he will stay and become a martyr if he is killed. The protesters are telling him to give them a little more time. They're doing the best they can.
Charlie Sheen has announced that he iis coming back to "Two and a Half Men." However, he admits that he usually sees five.
Actress Lindsay Lohan says that she finally understands that old saying about 'good fences make good neighbors'. She stated that she could have easily gotten $200 for that necklace at a Larry's Pawn Shop.
A Judge says that WikiLeaks Ass-Sang can be extradited. He made the ruling hurriedly before Ass-Sang could find a WikiLeak about him.
This just in...Charlie Sheen will have to skip "Two & A Half Men" once again. He's just committed himself to a rehab, "Sally's House of 1001 Delights", in Nevada.
In North Korea, Kim says that he is not afraid of protesters there. He says that even if major units of his own army turned on him, he could escape by painted a tunnel in the mountain side with paint and brush from ACME and "run into it before Coyote...Protesters can catch me."
That's the week from here behind the golden microphone. I'll be golfing with Cheney. See you on Monday."