Written by grimbo
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Thursday, 24 February 2011

image for The Aberdeen Almanac Chapter 2

Fit like, abody.

Me an' mah guid freends ower the past puckle days huv bin chawin' the cud ower this an' that (mainly that, tae be honist). An' the main theeng we've bin crackin' aboot is the Auld Feerm.

Ivry wee whilie us fitba fowk git bathered wi' a' these havers aboot the Weegies jynin' this league or anither, but ye aw ken its nae gaein' tae happin.

An' foo no ?

Cuz the fans an' the traivel bizniss dinnae want it tae happin , that's hoo.

Just think o' aw the baither thit traivellin' abroad or doon tae London wid gee the fans. Its a hooroa wye fae Larne tae Lyon oan the ferry. Mairowir, fits the pint o' singin Irish rebel sangs aw nicht if yer fella traivllers are foreign - they'll nae realize their gettin' insultid ?

An' foo many oors wid it tak fir the Barrheid Loyal charabang tae mak it tae Barcelona ? Foo mony times wid the pair driver hae tae poo ower tae empty the watterie intae the nearest rivulet, parteecilarly noo thit Tennants is sponsoring them a' agin ? The continent's flood defences wid be sarely tested durin' thon marathon jirney, mak nae mistak.

Az fir airport security....aw thae metal detectors wid gang berserk wi' aw the spavers oan the shellsuits an' the metul plits in the fans heids. An' fits mair, the pooers thit be wid hae tae cope wi' a new soart o' menace fae the Celteec fans....One Shoe Bombers. The disposable glove budget wid git an awfy fleg if the airport staff hid tae wade throo the hale fitware inventory o' the Ballycahill Bhoys Supporters Club, fungal roat an' verukees notwithstanding.

Fan the pair warkers shut their een at nicht, there wid be nuthin' bit sweytie Hitecs hovin' intae view.

The clincher wid be the hassels aw the fans wid hae tryin' tae git their hauns oan their siller in far aff lands.

Fits the chaunces o' gittin' yer giro peyed oot at the Post Oaffis in Los Ramblas ?


Non possibilo, Senor Weedgie.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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