Dear People of America - Just a quick little note to remind everyone just how damn friggin good I am at evading being captured by the barbaric capitalist that have been searching for me for many years.
I will give them credit because those dudes have just about looked in every cave in Pakistan and they have not found me (Osama Bin Laden). Well that is because I am not in Pakistan; I am in Mississippi...yes Mississippi!
I have gotten a hell of a tan and I dress like every other black male in Mississippi, complete with bling bling, loose fitting pants, and a do rag for my head.
I walk around the malls listening to music by Snoop Dogg, 2 Live Crew, and Puff Diddy, or P. Diddy, or Puff Daddy or whatever the hell that arrogantly sarcastic bro is calling himself these days.
I tell the locals that I moved down here from Kentucky where I played college basketball with the University of Kentucky Wildcats.
And I am so convincing that I even have a black girlfriend. Her name is LaQwanda Biffton. Mama Biffy, as I call her is 23, has never been married, and she has a beautiful, big, gigantic ass, just like Kim Kardashian.
Regards To The Searchers,
Osama Bin Laden (aka Willie Tyrone Mason-Dixon)