Written by grimbo
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Sunday, 20 February 2011

In an effort to subscribe to the constantly changing social and moral standards of the day, it is incumbent on all of us supporters to be aware of terms and expressions which are not politically correct.

First one up is -

"Hey you, Yer A Nut Job/Heidbanger"

A particularly well used remark at grounds across the country, aimed at one of the nation's favourite sons.

The main reason why supporters - however much they are justifiably incensed by the actions and even the very presence of a certain seemingly overpaid individual - are misguided when using such terminology, is that the developmentally delayed individuals to whom they are comparing the starlet are, generally speaking, not in control of themselves.

Although the "nut job" tag seems to fit a number of our beloved footballing superstars to a tee, it would be pretty safe to say that a megabucks signing will be largely in possession of his faculties - unlike an under-funded university.

Similarly, bracketing a player in the headbanging category is an offence to all heavy metal freaks everywhere. The image of a Mettalica or Slipknot groupie as a denim bedecked, 20 pint-a-night-lout no longer holds up.

Since heavy metal became respectable, it's appeal has spread far and wide, touching even the most seemingly level headed individuals. In fact, the young lady in the office may be a mousy Mavis Wilton type during the day, but at home and surrounded by the strains of Wolfmother or Lamb Of God, its a safe bet she can air guitar with the best of them.

Accordingly, and with immediate apologies to all cider lovers, the accepted expression in this case will be "Woodpecker."

More to follow.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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