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Thursday, 17 February 2011

image for Up The Buses! - Part 13C. OLIVE: "Why wasn't I told the Chippendales will be at the Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour?"

Where have you been, you have been away, what's your problem?

Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13B.

Up The Buses! - Part 13B."

Flashback to previous episodes that you MAY have so disgracefully missed, to get you ALL up to speed!

BLAKEY: (talking to himself) "I must not get worked up. I hate Butler, but I must not get worked up! I must be jovial and kind at all times today to take the venom out of that Union trouble maker and his side kick Butler"

JACK: "So as you can see as your Union Representative, Deputy Stan and myself have arranged a team building trip for all you Bus Workers to go on with Local and District Bus Traction Corp to a Brothel."

BLAKEY: "Then I will purchasing a couple of tickets for the first ever, Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour!"

Around Blakey the crowd is not laughing any more. Instead they are gasping incredulously.

BLAKEY: "If the rest of you are so prude you can't let your hair down in a Brothel, then you don't know what the swinging Seventies is all about!"

(JACK IS STARING IN DISBELIEF AS BLAKEY TURNS AND GOES BACK TO HIS OFFICE.)


ACT 3, Scene 2.

Camera 9 pans close up to Jacks' face, as the crowd around him stand opened mouth and then pans around to the rest of the Conductors;

BIG-BUSTY CLIPPIE: "So the first ever Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour will undoubtedly be the social event of the year! I wouldn't miss this for the world. It's going to be so exciting and fun to go to a Unisex Brothel! As Blakey said if you are so prude that you can't let your hair down in a Brothel, then you don't know what the swinging Seventies is all about! Here Jack, I'll put myself down for two tickets too!"

(JACK STILL SMOKING A CIGARETTE, GETS OUT A BOOK TO TAKE THE TICKETING INFORMATION.)

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

JACK: "OK love, so that is two tickets for Blakey, two tickets for you Big-Busty, but I warn you all that in a moment Blakey will be coming out that Office, after he has looked through a Dictionary to find the meaning of Brothel. It is a big word for him to understand and find in that Inspectors Dictionary that he keeps in that there office of his!"

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

JACK: "Let me do a count down on when it is likely to happen. Blakey has been in that Office for two minutes now, so he has got himself a cup of tea to replace all that frothing at the mouth. Blakey is sitting down to read through the Inspectors Dictionary! Blakey has got to the meaning of the word and is now fathoming out what the explanation fully means! That should be about now!"

Just at that moment, a yelp from Blakey can be heard from within the Office!

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

JACK: "Right on cue! Filled with rage he gets up and heads for the door! The door will open following the Thunderbirds are Go Count Down, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!"

There is an enormous gush of wind and thunderclap of noise, as Blakey's door opens so quickly, it causes a vacuum!

BLAKEY: "I have been too hasty with my ticket order of only a couple of tickets for the first ever, Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour. I will need three tickets. Can you accommodate that?"

JACK: "That all depends if another bus can be allocated for the event! I am nearly full to the brim already, with demand exceeding supply. I have now got a waiting list of hopefuls, if anybody wishes to drop out. Really I should have put your original two tickets on that waiting list, but Stan and myself have withdrawn our pleasures to accommodate you already, this extra booking means that that advance purchase WILL have to go on the waiting list. Those are the Rules!"

BLAKEY: "I will do all that I can do to get an extra bus allocated, the problem I have got is the rules, due to the Unions!"

Blakey shuts the door and Jack smiles…


ACT 3, Scene 3.

Camera 10 pans into the distance along a street as a bus appears from around a corner. It slowly comes down the road, the Camera gets a distant view of Stan's mum and his Sister Olive. The bus stops. Stan gets out the drivers cab and Jack gets off the bus at the rear.

STAN'S MUM: "The News has got out that the Local and District Bus Traction are organizing their first ever Brothel Tour!"

OLIVE: "Yeah and the Chippendales are going to be there too!"

STAN'S MUM: "Why didn't you two tell us that the Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour were going to have the Chippendales? Stan, answer me! Your Sister Olive wants to go and see the Chippendales on this Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour!"

STAN: "Yes Mum!"

STAN'S MUM: "There's a good boy! We want three tickets! Now that is sorted, here is your lunch! If you hadn't been so accommodating both of us were going on a work to rule!"

JACK: "Stan is not taking the orders! It has to be booked in! They are the rules! At the moment, we are waiting on Blakey to get us another bus! Both Stan and myself are not going either until we can sort out the problem with the Union!"

Olive gives Jack a kick in the shins and threatens to wrestle him if she misses out on the Chippendales! A crowd of youths start laughing as Jack hastens his retreat into the bus, as Olive kicks him again! Stan quickly gets into the drivers seat and the Local and District Bus Traction roars off in a cloud of blue and black smoke.

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

Commercial Break;
 Plutonium Daz Advert still trying to wash Stan's clothes in a Bath Tub.
 Jack buying extra large condoms at the Barbers.
 Stan eating fish and chips in a Bernie Inn.
 Olive burning Cooking Oil on a Cooker.
 Jack buying Pink Paraffin at Ultramar.
 Olive studying the Offside Rule For Women at an Adult Learning Evening Class.


STAY HERE, DON'T GO AWAY, WE WILL BE STRAIGHT BACK.

Up The Buses! - Part 13D to follow soon!!

Up The Buses! - Part 13D.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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