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Thursday, 17 February 2011

image for Dundee United Announce Money Making Schemes

Dundee United have commissioned a leading firm of consultants to take a look at the Arabs situation and see if they couldn't come up with some constructive proposals to increase their revenue flow.

Here's their proposals which will be immediately implemented -

1. Rename the George Fox Stand the "20th Century George Fox Stand" and redevelop it into a state of the art Cineplex that could showcase all the classic United-related films made through the years including "My Left Froot" and "Bill and Shed's Excellent Adventure".

2. Enlist Tangerine legends to donate the wages from their current jobs to the cause. So Lord Watson could swell the coffers from his Fire Prevention Officer work while Lorraine Kelly could make a not insignificant contribution by handing over the royalties from her best selling "How To Make A Career Out of Giggling".

3. Organise a year of festivities to celebrate the club's 102nd year anniversary.

4. Recycle the water that's lying on top of Tannadice and ship it to drought ravaged Djibouti.

5. Rename the Eddie Thomson Stand "The St Thomson Aquinas Stand" and turn it into an alternative to the Lourdes Experience. See the influx of Arabs from all corners of the globe , all hoping just to get a touch of St Eddie's relic ......the dog eared Motherwell FC season ticket.

6. Sell David Goodwillie to an African club without any internet or media access for £25,000.

7. Rename the Fair Play Stand "The Fine Fare Play Stand" and stock it with cheap United merchandise . There's never been a retail outlet that quite meets the demands of the shopper who wouldn't be seen dead in the Dens Road Market, but can't afford to shop in the Ferry.

8. Sell the whole of the Stickle to Lego.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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