Shy and retiring megastar Lady GaGa has today sensationally quit the showbiz world. Lady GaGa, real name Gaynor Gartside has had enough of living the highlife and called it a day.
As her new single once again goes global, she explained her decision to millions of devastated fans world wide.
'This will indeed be my last single. I'm sick and tired of wearing bra's made out of Parma Ham, and knickers made out of cheese slices.
'Everywhere I go, people think they can have a little slice of me and I can't take any more. Last week someone ate my overcoat. I'd only hung it up whilst I had a quick snack at my local takeaway.
'Everything I wear is edible, and at first it was a bit of a laugh, but I'm a serious artist. That last outfit, the one made entirely out of different cuts of ham was quite frankly ridiculous.
'I was attacked by a pack of dogs in the alleyway outside and left almost for dead. They snaffled everything. even my Bacon G-String went for a burton. It was so humiliating.
'Right there and then I said to myself, Gaynor, you don't need this love. She's right!
'I don't. I love each and every one of my fans from the bottom of my carpaccio knickers but GaGa is no more.'