Written by grimbo
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Tags: Shopping

Saturday, 12 February 2011

image for Code of Conduct for Shoppers

The Consortium of Shopping Centre Retailers have issued a Code of Conduct for anyone using their more specially challenged facilities.


1. Single persons are not allowed access. Shoppers must enter the centre in at least pairs.

2. Shoppers will only be allowed access if they are carrying at least 3 fully laden carrier bags.

3. Customers are only allowed to stop and talk to people they recognise at the narrowest part of the corridor or on the corridor corner itself.

4. Huddles of 5 people or more are only allowed. Smaller gatherings will be broken up or instructed to amalgamate to create the required number.

5. Shoppers are not allowed to walk quickly through the centre, you must shuffle as slowly as possible in order to create the maximum length of queue behind you. Waving hands around and pointing at miscellaneous items of interest on the other side of the corridor will maximise the build up behind you. Anyone found hurrying through the centre will be immediately ejected and banned from entering the centre again.

6. Enjoy your shopping experience and we hope you come again.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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